POSITIVE VIBRATION

Well, its a Friday and I am totally not looking forward to it, the feeling of not being able to sleep is a chronical problem. Though I am so bloody tired, my eyes can't seem to close, too many things in my head. Sometimes I can't define what the hell is going on up there.

I have been cracking my brain trying to write the detailed proposal of KYTV's new work for Singapore Biennale, which I think if it were to happen, it is going to be an epic production. Literally we are trying to create a mock-up TV Station, where the audience can choose to be part of it, at this moment all we have is a working title.
"IN-TELLY-POP" or in another words Intelligent Pop.

We are trying to take the template of Mediacorp's Channel 5 and transformed them into KYTV's very own ART Station. We are hoping to change current affairs into future affairs, interviewing B-Boys,dodgy art curators, philistines, clandestines, broken hearted people, A Meaningless Game Show, Old News, soap opera, reality tv, Not so talented show and whatever you want to see, we will create the show there and then.

We are taking Mass Communication with a D-I-Y spirit, raw/rough, jagged, diabolical, macabre and whatever you name it. And of course, if there are any products that you would like to sell, we have sufficient air-time for you! Hopefully this will work!

From The Attic: Me and my friend

From The Attic: Me and my friend
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

This was taken on New Year's Eve at The Esplanade, 04-05 Project was the

last work we did together as a quartet. Sentimental but truly valuable.

Remembering London: Tate Modern

Remembering London: Tate Modern
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

The highlight of the trip was definitely visiting Tate Modern, I managed to

see Joseph Beuys and Bruce Nauman new sound works which were fab!

From The Attic: Something from Life Drawing class, 1999.

From The Attic: Something from Life Drawing class, 1999.
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

I love to modify the faces of all the life models back in school, it creates

some kind of an unsolved mystery. Me and my nonsense.

From The Attic: A newspaper report on Tiramisu, 2003.

From The Attic: A newspaper report on Tiramisu, 2003.
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

We were excited as ever when we saw this one morning, these made some of our

parents proud somehow.

Remembering London

Remembering London
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

Looking back at the beginning of the year, I still think we were like

those characters in some postcards. Still felt like a dream, and

I don't think I can come to terms with it.

Swimming in Dark Waters while Waiting for The Boat

A lovely day nevertheless, spent the day at Studio 19, myself and Mr Luzart, exploring new ways in creating music with the voice, sampler bits and sound. I have been wanting to explore the voice as the main component in creating a widescope of possibilities in music. Now will be the chance, the working title will be 'Swimming in Dark Waters while waiting for the boat'. Don't ask me why, it just happend to be the title, just like the Bridge over Troubled Waters.

I am in a very creative mood, but I am so happy that there is NTUC in the neighbourhood, because things are cheaper there than in cold storage.

What if we treat every single day like its our last day on earth? Talking to people like its the last conversation you are going to have? Will it be fantastic? Or Pathetic?

The Newborn Insomniac

I like Mondays, it makes me feel like there is a need to kick start the week with something positive, to push myself to create or change something. Suddenly I am beginning to realise how fragile or vulnerable we are when it comes to handling emotions, especially when it gets to peaceful and quiet, at night especially, no matter how loud you blast the stereo, the mind seems to set you into a mode of isolation.

Nevertheless, I need to find a better way to cope with this naturally self-imposed 'alienation', thing can get even worst when you are tired, you know that you have to sleep but the mind just keep on wandering around in space.

And you start to walk in circles or even squares, you pick up the guitar thinking that you have found a great tune to a new song, but no, you start to light a ciggarette and move around again. Then you wash the dishes in the sink, after that you play with the cats...then force yourself to fall asleep again by watching a stupid film hoping that the sound could drone you to sleep.

Then suddenly you realised its almost dawn...a few hours later you are up again, but its better because there are always things to do during the day...the things you do to make you feel more alive than ever.

Weapon of Choice: Bricked Dildo for Ed

Weapon of Choice: Bricked Dildo for Ed
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

The Brick project I have created which is inspired from an urban legend, about

a man who lost his lover to a Lesbian Soldier. For hope, faith and

devotion...September 2005.

Another Hopeful Day

Another Hopeful Day
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

While I was walking out of the studio, I saw this ring up in the sky,

how nice...

Weekend Contemplation

Its 2am, its nice to be in the studio during weekends, haven't done this for quite a while actually. Free from toxics, the anxiety search of cheap highs and all that jazz. I think it is going to be like this for a while, let the soul searching begin, finding the inner strength, the self-support system of new ways to breathe. Counter acting upon every single mishap of decepting emotional side-step.

I am like a fish re-learning how to swim, untanglng in the web of floating uncertainties. Not sure if this is a form of escapism, if it is really is what I think it is, I don't mind ... as long as I don't have to meander into that deep and dark lane of pain.

After 5 years or maybe more, soccer felt like a game of 'escapism', at the end of the game I got a slight pull in my tighs. I have stopped realising how essential sports can be to our lives, for some, clubbing experience is a form of working out, maybe its true...

Let me continue from here, till where I am not sure...

Beauty Fool

Isn't life beautiful when you know you have overcome the conflict in your mind and soul, and start to do things which you have not done before. Then you feel like a brand new person like a starman or something. You find time to heal, and healing comes in different processes; like reading, spring cleaning, washing, jogging or stretching.

Its all good therapy folks, it makes you feel sane again. Rekindling with your soul, I guess all of us have been in that deep dark abyss of madness. All is good, we learn how to appreciate the finer things in life. Something as simple as feeding your cats or having a good conversation.

Life is neither a sitcom nor a bad reality tv, its a constant awareness and full-on sensitivity. We all vulnerable creatures, we make mistakes all the time, sometimes we learn at times we are still learning. Its all about creating new habits and patterns, but not to be enslaved,

Rejoice, repent and reconcile.

Forward Ahead

You seek what you have been seeking...hope what you have been hoping...life at its
lowest best...stride all you might...stride...2005.

Solitary Refinement

'Zero' playing with my wig on a restless night.

Sometimes how you wish you could tell a person how much you care about them, its like a lifetime achivement of recovering a satellite. Its true how love can never be described in words, there are limitations to' I-Love-You', its either you use it or abuse it just like sex, drugs and alcohol.

The past couple of days have been really uplifting nevertheless, caught 'Bar at Buena Vista' at Victoria Theatre last Monday night, all I could say is I am truly inspired by their soul, and I am talking about these legendary musicians who have been playing music for ages. Maestro! Maestro! Maestro!

I need to steer back and regain my energy, it has been a very harvester of sorrow days for me. Thank god, yesterday I found a J Krishnamurthi's Book I read ages ago from the library. It is called 'Total Freedom', Krishna G has always been my favourite thinker, whenever I am down or sedated, his readings always make me feel so awake.

I was reading through my archive and I found this: 'Hope is an excuse to believe.' - me

Emo Core

We never realised our mistakes until something bad happened to our lives. The thing that triggers you like an unknown switch. I haven't been feeling myself lately, in fact I have never felt like this for ages, it seems like positivity is running out of steam somehow.

Sometimes we are contented with what we have, but the thing that you treasure most is the one you love, parents, girlfriends, boyfriends, pets or whoever.

No matter how much we try to conceal our sadness, there is always a leakage that makes other people wonder whether you are doing fine. The wet weather has enhanced this cold and shredded feeling, desperation will always lead to depression at some point in our lives.

Life on a driver's seat can sometimes be hazardous when you do a wrong turn or you never realised its the wrong direction. Maybe I have been happy for too long, sadness comes and pay a visit while I am here reacting to the unfamiliar of the familiar.

I guess the most complicated situation in the history of human nature is emotional trauma. We can never fully understood the mechanism in this whole set-up, that is what made us human. We cry when we are sad and smile when we are happy.

At the end of the day, we find ways to make things better, for ourselves, for the people around us and for whoever it may seems to be.

Devastation In Session

What is it to fall in love and out of love? It is a strange feeling. I believe, it is a constant lesson that sometime we learn or we never learn at all. Sometimes when things fall apart, you just have to swallow it, no matter how painful it feels like a ball covered with rustied spikes going down your throat slowly.

At times, we start to blame ourselves, each other, fate, god or the cats even. It is a cycle, a cycle that will lead you to nowhere but here. We never realised our mistakes only at the moment where things are crumbling. All we could do is cry and hope that things will be alright again.

When your feelings are scarred...they are scarred, there is no cure, and never will unless the heart is healed. But that only leaves to fate to resolve that. Love is a constant gauge of feelings, but we do or always neglect most of the time...due to our selfish/self-centred ways.

Pain and suffering, what good do they do? How do we ever erase the good times in the past? The moment we set our eyes on each other like there is no one else in this world. A broken heart is a fist all wrapped up with regret begging for reconciliation.

To beg means to realise or maybe to surrender. Surrendering means you have lost the battle, losing the battle is like walking straight through a pathway of uncertainty;in limbo or floating aimlessly.

We are always remembering the dismembered ... we are foolish little souls seeking for mercy when the sky is already falling our pathetic heads. People never learn ...

Nostalgic Rock n Roll

After 7 years of performing, I still do get emotionally drained after a performance, this is something that I can't explain. Yesterday was fruitful and long, started the day with a KYTV talk at my ever 'exciting' alumni, LaSalle-SIA College of The Arts. It was pretty strange actually, walking through familiar corridors and seeing arty students doing their work.

I haven't been there for quite a while actually, but there's this thing about nostalgia, they could never be erased from your head.

My time in LaSalle 3-5 years ago was a really amazing one, fell in love, formed a band and made great friends; there is no doubt the art college changed me no matter how much I sometimes feel like there were more things I could have done there. The best thing about being an art student was that, you could make as many mistakes as possible.

Met Jae a mass comm student from NTU at Mosi Cafe down at Haji Lane whom i'm helping out in his inter-cultural project on 'Mat' theory. SO for a good 45 minutes, I blabbered about this whole 'Mat' concept which I thought I went a little bit out of point, till I saw the real 'Mat' maestro Adi Yadoni and invited him for the interview but he was too busy finding ways to repair his laptop.

The Soundcheck at Bar None was pretty annoying I would say, I think Security Guards and Soundmen are pretty similar, they feel they possesed a kind of a super maha yoghi possesive/power trip equalities. The difference is that soundmen don't have to carry batons. I am not sure if this is making sense, but I'm sure along the way it will do.

I had fun on stage last night, though I almost felt my head was in between two concrete walls before the set. There is just something electrifying about the stage at Bar None, I am not sure why, I love playing in a space where it is compact and intimate, the energy from the audience felt all so compressed and could be transmitted straight into my soul.

I have been exploring this idea of handle bar moustache in the past couple of Tiramisu performances, maybe its a reflection of how an aging youth would look like, or maybe I just love the sensation of body paint smearing down the pores.

When the stage is set, the space is where you mutilate your agony, vomitting every ounce of your soul, expose the unexposed, letting chances happened and sharing the joy of melody making. It is really not all about perfecting songs from Santana and make them sound really joyful to hear.(no pun intended)

Rock and roll could never happen without nostalgia, but one thing for sure no matter how old you get, its the spirit of pouring your guts out. Life is a celebratory affair when you know you can still move to the thumping beats of rebellion.

Another Singaporean Weekend

To Sleep Near The Sky at The Esplanade Theatre Studio last Sunday.

PopTart last night was pretty alright, met all the usual suspects, the usual aimless prancing and rigorous experiment of new dance steps. The swaggering hips of rocker ka doodle in sync with our paradise city where the girls are pretty. After a while, I got pretty tired and went for a cup of teh sarbat. My ears were ringing, but being sober can be quite a blissful experience especially when you know your body parts are getting pretty loose because of corrosion to old age. I am planning not to be like Mick Jagger but Tom Waits maybe a better idea.

Ka5 has uploaded some pictures of KYTV's Jogjakarta and the performance at Esplanade last week.Check it out here!

Improvising Life vol. 1

There are times when you feel everything is not right, when you see yourself coping with complicated emotion surrounding yourself and the people around you. I have been in the studio comtemplating for the past couple of days, catching up with watching loads of dvds and doing some drawings.

The life of an artist is not as easy as it seems, sometimes we get completely pathetic, that is where you have to make do with one meal a day, or dig anything in the fridge and make do with whatever there is at that moment. There is no specific indication that the cheque is going to arrive on time, that's how unstable it is.

Life is really about improvisation...

KIMCHI AND THE STONED STEAMBOAT

KIMCHI AND THE STONED STEAMBOAT
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

Kimchi and The Stoned Steamboat; from left Apejer Jiwon, Mak Bang

Indie, Kueh Soojee, Princess Zee, Lonelyisaneyesore, Ah Pie and

Manikam, On the last day of Soulful Seoul trip all tired and jagged.

Photo by Ichiro.

The Kimmies

The Kimmies
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

The Kimmies; from left Momi, Joavy, Fared, Manic, Jerm, Momi's friend,

photo taken by Ichiro Nagasaki. Seoul, 2004.

KYTVFC

KYTVFC
Originally uploaded by mrfantesticles.

KYTV Football Club in Seoul, August 2004. Guess who's the coach and

manager...

Not Available but Available

The performance went pretty alright despite the technical glitches and bad weather. There were about 30 pax in the theatre studio, can't deny the fact that its not a good time to watch a performance on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

We got through to the next round, and that means we have the chance to explore more and the full-length piece of 'Not Available On Print Date' will be due next March 25th and 26th, I foresee that will be the 4th version after Fukuoka and Blackburn.

I need to revamp the studio, after a production, the studio will look like a wasteland somehow. There are many things that I need to catch up with, spending time with my cats, my love, my family, my guitar, unwatched dvds, unheard music, revamp the studio and of course, I definitely need to have a haircut. As I am beginning to look like Dirk Diggler.

Till then...hope to upload the photos soon...

Urban Patriots

'After many years of catching so many gigs at Substation after all these years, I am wondering what am I doing still smoking and drinking' - William Berus

To quote from a former schoolmate who came to witness the opening of SeptFest last night. Have we had enough of everything in this life, or is it just Singapore itself? But before that, I brought Kenjiro to the 'txtrapolis' opening at NAFA gallery, which I thought was rather lacklustre somehow but the food was pretty alright (and they did not provide wine), especially in a large group show, I find it hard to grab the theme or direction of an exhibition.

Maybe I should go back there and understand more...it has proven, openings are not really about the work, its about socialising, meeting point, catching up with things, networking and all that merry. But its good really, I am not saying its bad...we live for openings. It is just that we should have more Closing parties, as people will know that its the last show, they will savour the moment in the gallery appreciating the works perhaps.

Farewells should be with a bang not a whimper, more intoxicating delicacies would help in the process of understanding the works, the audience and the space. (you may disagree with me)

The opening of Sept Fest was a little bit sedated, (I'm saying all these from a tired man point of view) I did enjoy My Squared Circle's set, except that at some point in time the vocalist came up with his corporate attire. I think you can only see this in Singapore, especially for male musicians. I find it pretty amusing...

I was pretty disappointed for I missed ETC's set, but after that, the event went really numbed and down sloped, just like another gig, the sound system at Timbre did not help either. Until DIstrust came up, a hardcore/trash band, I like kids doing all these moshing and surfing in front of the stage, at least there are things to see, the aimless gyration becomes a poignant statement as you freeze frame them in your mind.

The last stop of the night would be the rooftop party at Odeon Towers organised by Kinemat, this one I left even before I went in, my head felt groggy after the binge. Plus the crowd going in did not entice me to enter the ground of swaggers and urban hypnotics. I felt so out and all I wanted was a cup of tea with good company.

Well, personally I am notorious for abandoning parties abruptly, its a syndrome of the almighty jadedness and self-centred flagship of united mankind. The Urban Patriotism they call it, but sometimes Urbanisation becomes a full-on hedonistic indulgence or sort, and at times I can't deal with that somehow.